I Am Sad

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I don’t really have any plans for this post. I don’t have a draft, notes, or intentions behind my writing this time. I don’t know exactly how to phrase this well, but I think my title does it simply enough: I am sad.

I am sad to hear and read about the constant terrorist attacks occurring all over the world. I am heartbroken to hear of yet another mass shooting on U.S. soil in San Bernardino, California. I am devastated to learn that in my own city, in my own backyard of King County, there are over 10,000 homeless individuals sleeping on the streets every night. I’m torn up. I’m appalled. I’m in shock. Because this is the world we all live in.

I’m a sensitive creature. These issues have been weighing on me day in and day out for years, but especially lately. I’m a busy body, a scheduled maniac. I am constantly running from one thing to the next and I’m starting to realize that maybe it’s partly because when I slow down to look at the world around me, I feel hopeless. Perhaps staying busy is my way of coping, of distracting myself from what’s really going on.

 I have so many convictions, beliefs, theories about this life and the next, but I can’t make sense of this violence. I can’t make sense of this pain.

Humanity is flawed; we’ve been killing, beating, torturing, and terrorizing each other for all of our existence. We’ve also been loving, uplifting, empowering, and living with each other for all of our existence. But where is that now?

It’s clear to me that I am a bystander in all of this chaos. I don’t know quite what to do, so I have been doing nothing, besides reading the news articles, and shedding tears when stories hit particularly close to home. But my words have carried little weight as my actions have been next to non-existent.

It’s clear to me that I am overwhelmed. It’s clear to me that I am not alone in this. But nothing will change if I do not change. Nothing will shift if I do not get off my ass and act on what I stand for. Nothing will progress forward if I do not pop the bubble I live so comfortably in.

I stand for Love. I stand for compassion, community, laughter. There are daily little ways to demonstrate those values I hold, and there are much larger ways as well. More importantly, it’s time to stop sitting down, taking a back seat, and ignoring the state our world is in.

I believe in the Goodness and Light and Love that is all around us. Despite the everyday horrors we are facing day in and day out, I know that Love will always win. But saying and doing nothing is synonymous with being on the opposite side of Love. I will no longer be complacent. I will no longer use my feeling of hopelessness as an excuse. It’s time to make Love a daily habit, a daily action, and a daily verb. Are you with me?

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  1. December 3, 2015 / 11:17 pm

    Could’ve have articulated my own feelings any better.

    My heart aches every day another horrifying event occurs in our backyard. And worse yet, whenever I try to express this hurt and compassion among people I might’ve previously considered friends, I’m smacked right back in the face with “un-American”, “commie”, and “liberal retard”–to mention only the kindest of insults, of course.

    The world is growing so ugly. And I just want to write about it, though I’m finding myself speechless more often than not these days. But I still hope that my generation will be the one to help mend it–and I mean to take part.

  2. Personwithheart
    December 23, 2015 / 5:47 pm

    It is so hard to reconcile @Moriah. I also find it so hard to understand what is going on in the world. I don’t really know how to feel sometimes. It’s like our whole world is a hole world, and all the LOVE is slipping out!

    I really feel sorry for the lack of empathy in your life. That is something you deserve, and something that I really wish you had- it’s so important.

    If I had any piece of advice (and this is unasked for, so please forgive me for giving it, but I just feel compelled to write something to give hope)- it would be to see if you could find a therapist whom you feel truly comfortable with to talk about these things.

    When I first was asked by Mom to start therapy, I was like, NO WAY MOM. And then I started going, and then I quit. It was horrible! She forced me 3 or 4 times and then I….well let’s just say we had a really rough time.

    Anyways, I soon found a therapist (well it was the third one I tried) who could really help me. She gave me a space to share my feelings, was unbiased on my life, and really helped me process all of the unjustice in my life and world.

    I LOVE your enthusiasm to take part, and I am reminded of Thich Naht Hanh’s famous words now: “peace in yourself, peace in the world”.

    I wish you so much love and peace Ms. Moriah. May God bless your path. Which I’m sure is going to be such an exicting one :))))

    ~ Personwithheart

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